Boo, Hipster Hating.
I just recently did a show at the UCB here in LA where we all kind of bashed this somewhat recent cultural phenomena known as “hipsters”. Just to say it, I’m not putting blame on my fellow improvisers on this one — we saw some comedy available and attacked it, which is what we should do, but I can’t stop thinking about it since so, well, I’m writing on a blog and sending it off in a bottle across the Internet Ocean.
Every so often, be it in real life, some TV show, the internet, whatever, I will come across some comment that’s anti-hipster. Hell, I even used to be a source of those comments. Now, I can’t stand them. Why this change of heart? Mainly because if I took a long look at myself I would be a hipster to most people. I’ve been called such. I mean look at my fucking Tumblr photo for shit’s sake. I used to play if off like, “nah man, I don’t know any cool bands or anything.” But fuck it, I do know cool bands. Someone in the aforementioned improv show actually summed it up quite well, that in someone else’s eyes you’ll probably end up a hipster. I run around with some cool cats, naturally, and nearly every single one of them would be a hipster to someone else. There’s someone out there who’d look at me and my friends and be hating.
What is a hipster anyway? Is it someone that dresses a certain way? Likes certain things? Talks a certain way? Has a pre-determined level of unaffectedness? All of the above? Secondly, why is any of that so bad? Why is it so slammed upon? Is it because it’s so alien it’s scary? Maybe we’re all collectively saying “that guy thinks he so cool — but don’t worry, I don’t think I’m cool at all (psyche, I’m awesome).” Eating my toast today I suddenly thought, you know, hipsters are like the modern day 60s era hippy. Free-wheelers, unaffected people, doing their own thing, and the squares absolutely can’t stand it. So the squares come up with a term for them and take them down a peg every chance they get, because fuck those guys walking around expressing themselves and not giving a fuck, that’s not what I signed up for! You fucking hipster!! Honestly, most of the time I hear that word used it could easily be replaced with the base bullshit you heard in high school. ”Look at that guy, he thinks he’s hot shit…fag.”
Textbook hatin’.
I think the word hipster is gross. It’s gross because it’s a term used to quantify a group and then discriminate them. It’s like fag, retard, nigger, all that shit. Now, I’m not saying that the trust fund kid living in Williamsburg has had the same amount of strife as an enslaved race, I’m just saying it’s derogatory. But even that last sentence is backpedalling a bit because it assumes every “hipster” is a rich white kid which is entirely untrue. I’m also aware that I use the above words, and a whole slew of others myself, albeit not in a serious “I hate _____” kind of way but in a way that personifies the people that do use it that way. The point is, these words aren’t going anywhere, just like that bully in school would never leave you alone, they’re here to stick around. So, it’s just about ownership I guess.
Nowadays, I hear someone call me a hipster I’m like “damn straight!” To me, the term “hipster” just means someone who is into cool shit and dresses like a fucking champ. Honestly, I go to that absolutely hilarious site Look At This Fucking Hipster and 90% of the people on there I’m like “that dude has got some serious swagger!” Granted, those straight dudes who walk around in women’s hot pants and the loosest tank top ever made, wayfarers loosely balanced on their ears, might cause you to bite your knuckle to keep yourself from laughing as they roll by…but…those guys are having sex with models. Better yet, they are laughing at you as they ride their fixed gear bike to theirhipster model girlfriend’s house! Because hipster girls are outrageously sexy (black hair, straight bands, thick rim glasses, a few tats, vintage dress — fuck yeah!), and while we’re busy being mad that they are too cool for school, they are having cocaine sex parties while blasting the best music an iTunes account can buy! It sounds fucking awesome to be honest. If I wasn’t such a pussy I’d demand to be included in that madness. But alas, I am half baked in my hipsterdom.
So yes yes, it’s all fine and good to offer up some well deserved ribbing now and again. Any and every culture clique deserves to be made fun of at some point. We all should be laughing at ourselves because we’re all ludicrous. I, especially, can’t be waving the “let’s all leave each other alone!” banner because as a comedian it is my solemn duty to tear apart absolutely everything just to get a laugh. It’s just the hating I can’t stand. The legitimate “fuck those people” sentiment is what bums me out. You know who’s a hipster? Elton John. He’s fucking awesome. Or David Bowie. Or The Beatles!!! Or me, for fuck’s sake. I think it’s fair to say that I belong in the same category as those guys, right? Yeah, I believe the top ten coolest fucks of all time goes, from high to low, Elton John, David Bowie, The Beatles, Thomas Middleditch. So why try and hide it? Why can’t I just be internally fabulous? It’s not like I’m actually walking around shitting on people for it — people who know me probably wouldn’t describe me, first thing, as “arrogant prick”. Maybe some people would. But know who those people are? Haters, dawg. Mad haters.
Besides, you know who we should really be hating on? All those fuckwad late-comer douchebags who now realize it’s cool to be cool and want in on the hipster scene! Nothing pisses me off more than some Jersey Shore cuntsmear walking around with skinny jeans and a pair of vans only to combine it with a coif-hawk, Gucci sunnies, and a fucking Ed Hardy dragon shirt! Those dicks need a term. Douchester. Yeah, all the douchesters of the world need to be hated to extinction, son! I’m starting a hate website! www.fuckthesedouchesters.org (it’s a non-commercial site). Errybody join up, y’all!
I’m talking about these knuckledraggers. First comment with 30 thumbs up so far says it all.
SHIFT THE HATE!
