Righteous Fury
Ok. Get ready for a great pitch for a video game.
On set today I was doodling on the back of my script this happened…
It’s hard to tell because I’m not actually the greatest artist, but that’s Jesus Christ riding a motorcycle. So here’s the game.
With modern flair infused with the art-style and gameplay of classic side-scrolling beat-em-ups like Final Fight, The Punisher, Golden Axe, etc., the next greatest Xbox Live game has finally come. Screw Castle Crashers. You think you’re the only game on the block that can be fun and have a sense of humor?! Shit just got real.
The premise. The world as we know is is overrun with God-hating atheists. As a result, religion’s greatest villains have risen to power to thwart their heavenly counterparts. Baddies like Judas, whoever’s bad from the Torah, from the Quran, from whatever legends Hinduism has, fuckin’ Taoism, and the ultimate baddie, Satan himself. All-o-dat. The main grunts are smarmy atheists who say shit like, “your faith is the same as believing in Santa Claus!” as they die, etc.
Actually, you know who the end boss should be, now that I think more about the premise? You get all the super baddies from the religious lore as mini-bosses, but the final boss, in all his atheistic glory, is none other than Bill Maher. It’d be perfect. He could help write jokes for the game!
Who do you play in this up-to-4-players slugfest? Well, in order to combat such a strong army of non-believers you need to combine the four corners of religion to act as one might hammer against these unenlightened pussies. You got Jesus Christ, maybe throw in Moses (he’s a Jew, right?), Vishnu (gotta have a girl), and Buddha. They’ve all got their super powers, naturally. Like Jesus is kind of a paladin warrior-healer, and Vishnu has a Dhalsim-style multiple rubber arm super attack that knocks out a bunch of enemies, Moses can “part the sea” and devastate suckas in his path. Buddha can fart on people and confuse them.
And all the action is super epic. Like, in terms of the actual game, shit gets taken to a whole new level. There’s motorcycle levels, Golden Axe style beasts (bears, ostriches, dragons, etc.), you got a battle in Castle Greyskull, you got rock and roll, you got cavemen riding dinosaurs…ALL DAT!
And it’s based on a more modern version of an engine like this and things get off the chain. IT’S ALL OFF THE CHAIN. And hilarious.
Bam.
RIGHTEOUS FURY!!!!! The game.
You’re welcome. Enjoy it. Just give me credit of concept and come to me when you want your next mega hit. Y’all mutha fuckas should comment and say what features, levels, characters and all of that nonsense should be in the game.
